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Wondergirl's Funnies~

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Wondergirl's Funnies~

Post by Wondergirl on Sun May 31, 2009 7:08 pm

The value of a # 2 pencil

The value of a Catholic education and a #2 pencil.

Little Susie was not the best student in Catholic School . Usually she slept through the class. One day her teacher, a Nun, called on her while she was sleeping. 'Tell me Susie, who created the universe?' When Susie didn't stir, little Johnny who was her friend sitting behind her, took his pencil and jabbed her in the rear. 'God Almighty!' shouted Susie.? The Nun said, 'Very good' and continued teaching her class.
A little later the Nun asked Susie, 'Who is our Lord and Savior?' But Susie didn't stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to her rescue and stuck her in the butt. 'Jesus Christ!!!' shouted Susie. And the Nun once again said, 'Very good,' and Susie fell back asleep.
The Nun asked her a third question...'What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?' Again, Johnny came to the rescue.
This time Susie jumped up and shouted, 'If you stick that damn thing in me one more time, I'll break it in half!'

The nun fainted.
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Re: Wondergirl's Funnies~

Post by Wondergirl on Sun May 31, 2009 7:18 pm

Stress Management Technique

Just in case you are having a rough day, here is a stress management technique recommended in all the latest Psychological journals. The funny thing is that it really does work and will make you smile...

1. Picture yourself lying on your belly on a warm rock that hangs out over a crystal clear stream.
2. Picture yourself with both your hands dangling in the cool runningwater.
3. Birds are sweetly singing in the cool mountain air.
4. No one knows your secret place.
5. You are in total seclusion from that hectic place called the world.
6. The soothing sound of a gentle water fall fills the air with a cascade of serenity.
7. The water is so crystal clear that you can easily make out the face of the person you are holding underwater.

There!! See? It really does work. You're smiling already. Feel free to forward this if you know others who might benefit from this technique
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Re: Wondergirl's Funnies~

Post by Wondergirl on Sun May 31, 2009 10:39 pm

An Aussie trucker who has been out on the road for three

Weeks stops into a brothel outside Kalgoorlie. He walks straight up to

The Madam, drops down $500 and says, I want your ugliest woman and a

Burnt chop.

The Madam is astonished. 'But sir, for that kind of

Money you could have one of my finest ladies and a lovely three-course

Meal.

The trucker replies, 'Listen sweetheart, I ain't horny . . . . . . I'm homesick.
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Re: Wondergirl's Funnies~

Post by Wondergirl on Wed Jun 03, 2009 12:57 am

IRISH SAUSAGES


Shamus and Murphy fancied a pint or two but didn't have a lot of
money between them, they could only raise the staggering sum of one
Euro.
Murphy said 'Hang on, I have an idea.'
He went next door to the butcher's shop and came out with one large
sausage.
Shamus said 'Are you crazy? Now we don't have any money at all!'
Murphy replied, 'Don't worry - just follow me.'
He went into the pub where he immediately ordered two pints
of Guinness and two glasses of Jamieson Whisky.
Shamus said 'Now you've lost it. Do you know how much trouble we
will be in? We haven't got any money!!'
Murphy replied, with a smile. 'Don't worry, I have a plan , Cheers! '
They downed their Drinks. Murphy said, 'OK, I'll stick the sausage
through my zipper and you go on your knees and put it in your mouth.'
The barman noticed them, went berserk, and threw them out.
They continued this, pub after pub, getting more and more drunk, all
for free.

At the tenth pub Shamus said 'Murphy - I don't think I can do any
more of this. I'm drunk and me knees are killing me!'
Murphy said, 'How do you think I feel? I can't even remember which
pub I lost the sausage in..... pale
'
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Re: Wondergirl's Funnies~

Post by kandyman on Wed Jun 03, 2009 9:46 pm

lol! lol! lol! ...Good Work Gurlie !
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Re: Wondergirl's Funnies~

Post by Sexy~Nina on Fri Jun 05, 2009 2:22 am

Wondergirl wrote:An Aussie trucker who has been out on the road for three

Weeks stops into a brothel outside Kalgoorlie. He walks straight up to

The Madam, drops down $500 and says, I want your ugliest woman and a

Burnt chop.

The Madam is astonished. 'But sir, for that kind of

Money you could have one of my finest ladies and a lovely three-course

Meal.

The trucker replies, 'Listen sweetheart, I ain't horny . . . . . . I'm homesick.


Very Funny.... great job Very Happy
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Re: Wondergirl's Funnies~

Post by Wondergirl on Fri Jun 05, 2009 7:05 am

*duplicate... sorry!


Last edited by Wondergirl on Mon Jun 22, 2009 2:03 pm; edited 3 times in total (Reason for editing : duplicate)
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Re: Wondergirl's Funnies~

Post by anotheridiot on Fri Jun 05, 2009 7:16 am

Rolling Eyes

_________________
Kandy's right hand man...........

SOMEBODY SEND SOME GREASE
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Re: Wondergirl's Funnies~

Post by Wondergirl on Fri Jun 05, 2009 7:21 am


Little Tyrone........

A teacher in a Detroit, Michigan elementary school asked her students if
they could tell the class what sound a pig makes.

8 year old Little Tyrone stood up and said:

"Up against the wall mother f affraid cker!"



I guess there's not too many farms in Detroit ........
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Re: Wondergirl's Funnies~

Post by kandyman on Fri Jun 05, 2009 4:07 pm

You Go Gurl ! Very Happy
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LEROY~

Post by Wondergirl on Tue Jun 09, 2009 7:46 am

A woman walks into the downtown welfare office, trailed by 15 kids...

"WOW," the social worker exclaims, are they ALL YOURS???"
"Yep, they are all mine," the flustered momma sighs, having heard that
question a thousand times before. She says, "Sit down, Leroy." All the
children rush to find seats.
"Well," says the social worker, "then you must be here to sign up. I'll
need all your children's names."
"This one's my oldest - he is Leroy." "OK, and who's next?"
"Well, this one he is Leroy, also."
The social worker raises an eyebrow but continues. One by one, through
the oldest four, all boys, all named Leroy. Then she is introduced to the
eldest girl, named Leighroy!
"All right," says the caseworker. "I'm seeing a pattern here. Are they ALL
named Leroy?" Their Momma replied, "Well, yes--it makes it easier. When
it is time to get them out of bed and ready for school, I yell, 'Leroy!' An'
when it's time for dinner, I just yell 'Leroy!' an' they all comes a running.
An' if I need to stop the kid who's running into the street, I just yell 'Leroy'
and all of them stop. It's the smartest idea I ever had, naming them all Leroy."
The social worker thinks this over for a bit, then wrinkles her forehead and
says, "But what if you just want ONE kid to come, and not the whole bunch?"

"I call them by their last names."
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GRANDPA'S vs. GRANDMA'S~

Post by Wondergirl on Wed Jun 10, 2009 10:06 pm

Grandpa's vs. Grandma's

Have you ever wondered what the difference between Grandmothers & Grandfathers were? Well here it is:

A friend, who worked away from home all week, always made a special effort to be with his family on the weekends. Every Sunday morning he would take his 7-year old granddaughter out for a drive in the car for some bonding time. Just he and his granddaughter.

One particular Sunday however, he had a bad cold and really didn't feel like being up to it. Luckily, his wife came to the rescue and said that she would take their Granddaughter out for the sunday ride.

When they returned, the little girl anxiously ran upstairs to see her Grandfather.

'Well, did you enjoy your ride with grandma today , asked grandpa ??' 'Oh yes Papa' the girl replied, 'And do you know what? We didn't see a single dumb bastard, dip-shit or horse's ass anywhere we went today !!!'

Brings a tear to your eye doesn't it?
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Re: Wondergirl's Funnies~

Post by kandyman on Sat Jun 13, 2009 3:13 pm

[b]You Ladies here are sumpin' Else !~
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Re: Wondergirl's Funnies~

Post by  on Mon Jun 22, 2009 11:28 am

That little Tyrone is a real mess ! Laughing


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Re: Wondergirl's Funnies~

Post by alabama jen on Wed Jul 01, 2009 8:44 am

Where are you at Wondergirl ? confused
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Re: Wondergirl's Funnies~

Post by Wondergirl on Tue Aug 11, 2009 12:47 am

Sorry Jen, this isn't a very Quick Reply now is it? Shame on me!! Embarassed You asked where I'm at, I'm assuming you mean what state am I in, well sweetie.... I'm in the Sunshine State of beautiful So. Florida, USA ~ I'm currently attending school part time till Oct., then go full time., with a double course load in LMT (massage therapy) & PT (physical therapy).. won't be done till sometime next June! Sorry for the delayed reply, and thanks for asking! flower
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Re: Wondergirl's Funnies~

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