Re: Listen to Nina's Krazzzz-seee Jokes Here !

by **iva** Mon Jun 08, 2009 5:26 am

Sexy~Nina wrote:Hi Iva
I's so happy 2 see u here... I thought I lost u 4ever 2....
I missed u so much....
I think I should change my degree to Humor instead of Business Administration... I think it might be easier 2....
I'm very glad I was able 2 make u laugh

Thanks Nina dear lady it is good to be here.

I hope the above posts will cause a titter or two.

by **kandyman** Mon Jun 08, 2009 9:45 pm

Here Nina ................................

American Courts
>
>
> These are from a book called Disorder in the American
> Courts, and are
> things people actually said in court, word for word, taken
> down and now
> published by court reporters who had the torment of staying
> calm while
> these exchanges were actually taking place.
>
> __________________________________________
> ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the
> impact?
> WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
> ____________________________________________
> ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
> WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
> ____________________________________________
> ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your
> memory at all?
> WITNESS: Yes.
> ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
> WITNESS: I forget.
> ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of
> something you forgot?
> ___________________________________________
>
> ____________________________________________
> ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies
> in his sleep,
> he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
> WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
> ____________________________________
> ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is
> he?
> WITNESS: He's twenty, much like your IQ.
> ___________________________________________
> ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
> WITNESS: Are you shitting me?
> _________________________________________
> ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was
> August 8th?
> WITNESS: Yes.
> ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
> WITNESS: getting laid
> ____________________________________________
> ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
> WITNESS: Yes.
> ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
> WITNESS: None.
> ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
> WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney.
> Can I get a new
> attorney?
> ____________________________________________
> ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
> WITNESS: By death.
> ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
> WITNESS: Take a guess.
> ____________________________________________
> ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
> WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
> ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
> WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with
> male.
> _____________________________________
> ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to
> a deposition
> notice which I sent to your attorney?
> WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
> ______________________________________
> ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you
> performed on dead
> people?
> WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a
> fight.
> _________________________________________
> ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school
> did you go to?
> WITNESS: Oral.
> _________________________________________
> ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the
> body?
> WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
> ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
> WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.
> ____________________________________________
> ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
> WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?
> ______________________________________
> And the best for last:
> ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you
> check for a
> pulse?
> WITNESS: No.
> ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
> WITNESS: No.
> ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
> WITNESS: No.
> ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was
> alive when you
> began the autopsy?
> WITNESS: No.
> ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
> WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a
> jar.
> ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been
> alive, nevertheless?
> WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive
> and practicing
> law.

by **kandyman** Fri Jun 12, 2009 3:34 pm

You Rock Girl !

by **Sexy~Nina** Sat Jun 13, 2009 2:31 am

Ma and Pa where rocking on the front porch when Pa turned and slapped Ma, Ma said what was that for? Pa said for forty years of bad sex. Ma said oh and continued rocking. Ma reached over and slapped Pa. Pa said what was that for? Ma said for knowing the difference

by **Sexy~Nina** Sat Jun 13, 2009 2:37 am

An old Italian Mafia Don is dying and he called his grandson to his bed Grandson I wanta you to listen to me. I wanta you to take mya 45 automatic pistol, so you will always remember me. But grandpa I really don't like guns, how about you leaving me your Rolex watch instead.

You lisina to me, some day you goin a be runna da bussiness, you goina have a beautiful wife, lotsa money, a biga home and maybe a couple od bambino, some day you goina come hom and maybe finda you wife in be with another man. Whata you gonna do then? Pointa to you watch and say, "TIMES UP"?

by **Sexy~Nina** Sat Jun 13, 2009 2:52 am

Top Ten Signs Your Spouse May Be Having an On-Line Affair

10. Lately she sits at the computer naked.

9. After signing off, he always has a cigarette.

8. The giant rubber inflatable disk drive.

7. In the morning, the computer screen is all fogged up.

6. He's gotten amazingly good at typing with one hand.

5. She makes sarcastic remarks about your "software".

4. Lipstick on the mouse.

3. During sex, she screams "A colon backslash enter insert!"

2. The fax file is filled with pictures of someone's butt.

1. The jam in the laser printer is a pair of underwear.

by **Sexy~Nina** Sat Jun 13, 2009 3:04 am

Crazy Female and Male Parrots

A lady approaches her priest and tells him “Father, I have a problem. I have two female talking parrots, but they only know how to say one thing.”

“What do they say?” the priest inquired.

“They only know how to say, ‘Hi, we're prostitutes. Want to have some fun?’”

“That's terrible!” the priest exclaimed, “but I have a solution to your problem. Bring your two female parrots over to my house and I will put them with my two male talking parrots whom I taught to pray and read the bible. My parrots will teach your parrots to stop saying that terrible phrase and your female parrots will learn the joys of praise and worship.”

“Thank you!” the woman responded.

The next day the woman brings her female parrots to the priest's house. His two male parrots are holding the rosary beads and praying in their cage. The lady puts her two female parrots in with the male parrots and the female parrots say “Hi we're prostitutes, want to have some fun?”

One male parrot looks over at the other male parrot and exclaims, “Put the beads away, brother. Our prayers have been answered!”

by **Sexy~Nina** Sat Jun 13, 2009 3:15 am

A mother is in the kitchen making dinner for her family when her daughter walks in.

“Mother, where do babies come from?”

The mother thinks for a few seconds and says, “Well dear, Mommy and Daddy fall in love and get married. One night they go into their bedroom, they kiss and hug and have sex.”

The daughter looks puzzled so the mother continues, “That means the daddy puts his penis in the mommy’s vagina. That’s how you get a baby, honey.” The child seems to comprehend.

“Oh, I see, but the other night when I came into your room you had daddy’s penis in your mouth. What do you get when you do that?”

“Jewelry, my dear. Jewelry.”

by **Sexy~Nina** Sat Jun 13, 2009 3:20 am

Tight Skirt
One Day, at a bus stop there was a girl who was wearing a skintight miniskirt. When the bus arrived, and it was her turn to get on, she realized that her skirt was so tight that she couldn’t get her foot high enough to reach the step. Thinking it would give her enough slack to raise her leg, she reaches back and unzips her skirt a little. She still could not reach the step. Embarrassed, she reaches back once again to unzip it a little more. Still, she couldn’t reach the step. So, with her skirt zipper halfway down, she reaches back and unzips her skirt all the way. Thinking that she could get on the step now, she lifts up her leg only to realize that she still couldn’t reach the step. So, seeing how embarrassed the girl was, the man standing behind her put his hands around her waist and lifted her up on to the first step of the bus. The girl turns around furiously and says,?
How dare you touch my body that way, I don’t even know you!? Shocked, the man says? Well, ma’am, after you reached around and unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured that we were friends?

by **Sexy~Nina** Sat Jun 13, 2009 3:26 am

WHAT MEN WOULD DO IF THEY HAD A VAGINA FOR A DAY

10. Immediately go shopping for zucchini and cucumbers.

9. Squat over a hand-held mirror for an hour and a half.

8. See if they could finally do the splits.

7. See if it's truly possible to launch a ping pong ball 20 feet.

6. Cross their legs without rearranging their crotch.

5. Get picked up in a bar in less than 10 minutes ... BEFORE closing time.

4. Have consecutive multiple orgasms and still be ready for more without sleeping first.

3. Go to the gynecologist for a pelvic exam and ask to have it recorded on video.

2. Sit on the edge of the bed and pray for breasts too.

1. Finally find that damned G-spot.

by **Sexy~Nina** Sat Jun 13, 2009 3:28 am

WHAT WOMEN WOULD DO IF THEY HAD A PENIS FOR A DAY
adult joke

10. Get ahead faster in corporate America.

9. Get a blow job.

8. Find out what is so fascinating about beating the meat.

7. Pee standing up while talking to other men at a urinal.

6. Determine WHY you can't hit the bowl consistently.

5. Find out what it's like to be on the other end of a surging orgasm.

4. Touch yourself in public without thought as to how improper it may seem.

3. Jump up and down naked with an erection to see if it feels as funny as it looks.

2. Understand the scientific reason for the light refraction which occurs between a man's eyes and the ruler situated next to his member which causes two inches to be added to the final measurement.

1. Repeat number 9......

by **Sexy~Nina** Wed Jun 24, 2009 6:11 am

Why do girls rub their eyes in the morning?
They have no balls to scratch.

by **kandyman** Wed Jun 24, 2009 7:41 am

You sure have some "KILLER JOKES" ,Nina.....

by **alabama jen** Wed Jun 24, 2009 1:16 pm

Great Stuff !......lol bounce

by **Sexy~Nina** Mon Jun 29, 2009 4:04 am

thanks alabama jen Very Happy

by **Linda** Wed Jul 01, 2009 8:32 am

I Love it all, Nina. Power to the Women Twisted Evil

by **Joanne** Wed Jul 01, 2009 8:35 am

Linda wrote:I Love it all, Nina. Power to the Women

Great Stuff ! Laughing

by Wed Jul 01, 2009 8:40 am

[b]We need more Nina.....lmao!

by **kandyman** Wed Jul 01, 2009 6:52 pm

OK...Til Nina comes.....

How to hold on while the train is in motion in order to avoid falling.

Listen to Nina's Krazzzz-seee Jokes Here ! - Page 2 976

I am referring to the older gentleman by the door!!! But you knew that.

by **Sexy~Nina** Sun Jul 12, 2009 5:29 am

A guy dies whilst making love to his wife. A few days later the undertaker calls her and says, "Your husband still has a hard-on, what shall I do with it?" The wife replies, "Cut it off and shove it up his arse!" The undertaker does as he is told. On the day of the funeral the wife visits her husband for the last time and sees a tear rolling down his face, so she whispers in his ear, "It fucking hurts doesn't it!"

by **Sexy~Nina** Sun Jul 12, 2009 5:47 am

A man and a woman were having drinks when they got into an argument about who enjoyed sex more.

The man said, "Men obviously enjoy sex more than women. Why do you think we're so obsessed with getting laid?"

"That doesn't prove anything," the woman countered. "Think about this: when your ear itches and you put your finger in it and wiggle it around, then pull it out, which feels better: your ear or your finger?"

by **Sexy~Nina** Sun Jul 12, 2009 6:14 am

A man and a woman were having drinks when they got into an argument about who enjoyed sex more.

The man said, "Men obviously enjoy sex more than women. Why do you think we're so obsessed with getting laid?"

"That doesn't prove anything," the woman countered. "Think about this: when your ear itches and you put your finger in it and wiggle it around, then pull it out, which feels better: your ear or your finger?"

by **kandyman** Sun Jul 12, 2009 8:00 am

hahaha....Good Ones Nina !

by **alabama jen** Sun Jul 12, 2009 8:05 am

Great ....Got my Nina Fix today !

by **Linda** Sun Jul 12, 2009 8:07 am

alabama jen wrote:Great ....Got my Nina Fix today !

haha me too jen ! Very Happy

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