Put all your Krazy , Funny stuff here !

by **admin** Sat May 23, 2009 10:24 am

Awesome
Toilet

THE LADY IS GETTING READY TO ENTER!!
This is a picture of a public toilet in Houston

Put all your Krazy , Funny stuff here ! 847

This One thanks to Trudi !

by **admin** Sat May 23, 2009 10:28 am

This Flu is a Killer !

Put all your Krazy , Funny stuff here ! 848

Thanks Jennifer

by **admin** Sat May 23, 2009 10:29 am

Down south, Bubba called his attorney and asked, 'Is It true theys suin them cigarette companies fer causin people to git cancer?'

'Yes, Bubba, sure is true,' responded the lawyer.

'And now someone is suin them fast food restaurants fer makin them fat an cloggin their arteries with all them burgers
an fries, is that true, Mista Lawyer?'

'Sure is, Bubba...'

'And that lady sued McDonalds for millions when she was gave that hot coffee that she ordered?'

'Yep.'

'And that football player sued that university when he graduaided and still couldn't read?'

'That's right,' said the lawyer.'
'But why are you asking?'

'Well, I was thinkin....

What I want to know is, kin I sue Budweiser fer all them ugly women I slept with?'

by **admin** Sat May 23, 2009 10:32 am

(A) Two blonds with hammers, Ann and Susie were doing some
carpenter work on a Habitat for Humanity house.
Ann, who was nailing down house siding, would reach into
her nail pouch, pull out a nail, and either toss it over her
shoulder or nail it in.
Susie, figuring this was worth looking into, asked, 'Why are
you throwing those nails away?'
Ann explained, 'When I pull a nail out of my pouch, about half
of them have the head on the wrong end, and I throw them away.
Susie got very upset and yelled, 'You moron! Those nails aren't
defective! They're for the other side of the house.

(B) A blond was driving home after a game, and got caught in a
really bad hailstorm.
Her car was covered with dents, so the next day she took it to
a repair shop.
The mechanic saw that she was a blond, s o he decided to
have some fun.
He told her to go home and blow into the tailpipe really hard,
and all the dents would pop out.
So the blond went home, got down on her hands and knees,
and started blowing into the tailpipe.
Nothing happened. So she blew a little harder, and still
nothing happened.
Her blond roommate saw her, and asked, 'What are you doing?'
The first blond told her how the repairman had instructed her to
blow into the tail pipe in order to get all the dents to pop out.
The roommate rolled her eyes and said, 'Uh, like, hello!
You need to roll up the windows first.'

(C) Did you hear about the two blonds who almost froze to death
at a drive-in movie? They had gone to see 'Closed for the Winter'.

(D) A blond was shopping at Target, and came across a shiny silver
thermos.
She was fascinated by it, so she picked it up and took it to the
clerk to ask what it was.
The clerk said, 'That's a thermos ... It keeps hot things hot, and
cold things cold.'
Wow, said the blond, 'that's20amazing .. I'm going to buy it!'
So she bought the thermos and took it to work the next day.
Her boss saw it on her desk. 'What's that?' he asked.
Why, that's a thermos ... It keeps hot things hot and cold things
cold,' she replied.
Her boss inquired, 'What do you have in it?'
The blond replied, 'Two Popsicle's and some coffee.'

(E) A blond goes into work one morning crying her eyes out.
Her boss asks sympathetically, 'What's the matter?'
The blond replies, 'Early this morning I got a phone call saying
that my mother passed away.'
The boss, feeling sorry for her, says, 'Why don't you go home?
Take the day off to relax and rest.'
'Thanks, but I'd be better off here. I need to keep my mind off it
and I have the best chance of doing that here.'
The boss agrees and the blond works as usual.
A couple of hours pass, and the boss decides to check on the blond.
He looks out from his office, and sees the blond crying hysterically.
'Are you okay?' he asks.
'No,' exclaims the blond, 'I just received a horrible call
20from my sister. Her mother died, too!

by **kandyman** Sat May 23, 2009 12:03 pm

.

THIS IS INCREDIBLE

THIS IS INCREDIBLE.... Read all the Numbers...
Slowly and in Order!!

Be Careful not to MISS ANY

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19
20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27
28 29 30

Scroll down ....................

Put all your Krazy , Funny stuff here ! 849

TOMORROW I'LL SEND YOU THE ABC's
It's so easy to amuse old people.

by **anotheridiot** Sat May 23, 2009 12:14 pm

now thats funny.

by **kandyman** Sat May 23, 2009 12:15 pm

justanotheridiot wrote:now thats funny.

Not That Funny AI ....I'm OLD!....LMAO!!!! Twisted Evil

by **kandyman** Sat May 23, 2009 1:13 pm

The Dam

This is an actual letter sent to a man named Ryan DeVries regarding a pond on his property. It was sent by the Pennsylvania Department of Environmental Quality, State of Pennsylvania . This guy's response is hilarious, but read State's letter before you get to the response letter.

SUBJECT: DEQ File No.97-59-0023; T11N; R10W, Sec. 20; Lycoming County

Dear Mr. DeVries:

It has come to the attention of the Department of Environmental Quality that there has been recent unauthorized activity on the above referenced parcel of property. You have been certified as the legal landowner and/or contractor who did the following unauthorized activity:

Construction and maintenance of two wood debris dams across the outlet stream of Spring Pond.

A permit must be issued prior to the start of this type of activity. A review of the Department's files shows that no permits have been issued. Therefore, the Department has determined that this activity is in violation of Part 301, Inland Lakes and Streams, of the Natural Resource and Environmental Protection Act, Act 451 of the Public Acts of 1994, being sections 324..30101 to 324.30113 of the Pennsylvania Compiled Laws, annotated.

The Department has been informed that one or both of the dams partially failed during a recent rain event, causing debris and flooding at downstream locations. We find that dams of this nature are inherently hazardous and cannot be permitted. The Department therefore orders you to cease and desist all activities at this location, and to restore the stream to a free-flow condition by removing all wood and brush forming the dams from the stream channel. All restoration work shall be completed no later than January 31, 2006.

Please notify this office when the restoration has been completed so that a follow-up site inspection may be scheduled by our staff. Failure to comply with this request or any further unauthorized activity on the site m ay result in this case being referred for elevated enforcement action..
We anticipate and would appreciate your full cooperation in this matter. Please feel free to contact me at this office if you have any questions.

Sincerely,

David L. Price
District Representative and Water Management Division.

Here is the actual response sent back by Mr. DeVries:

Re: DEQ File No. 97-59-0023; T11N; R10W, Sec. 20; Lycoming County

Dear Mr. Price,

Your certified letter dated 12/17/02 has been handed to me to respond to. I am the legal landowner but not the Contractor at 2088 Dagget Lane , Trout Run, Pennsylvania .

A couple of beavers are in the process of constructing and maintaining two wood 'debris' dams across the outlet stream of my Spring Pond. While I did not pay for, authorize, nor supervise their dam project, I think they would be highly offended that you call their skillful use of natures building materials 'debris.'

I would like to challenge your department to attempt to emulate their dam project any time and/or any place you choose. I believe I can safely state there is no way you could ever match their dam skills, their dam resourcefulness, their dam ingenuity, their dam persistence, their dam determination and/or their dam work ethic.

These are the beavers/contractors you are seeking. As to your request, I do not think the beavers are aware that they must first fill out a dam permit prior to the start of this type of dam activity.

My first dam question to you is:

(1) Are you trying to discriminate against my Spring Pond Beavers, or

(2) do you require all beavers throughout this State to conform to said dam request?

If you are not discriminating against these particular beavers, through the Freedom of Information Act, I request completed copies of all those other applic able beaver dam permits that have been issued.

(Perhaps we will see if there really is a dam violation of Part 301, Inland Lakes and Streams, of t he Natural Resource and Environmental Protection Act, Act 451 of the Public Acts of 1994, being sections 324.30101 to 324.30113 of the Pennsylvania Compiled Laws, annotated.)

I have several concerns. My first concern is, aren't the beavers entitled to legal representation? The Spring Pond Beavers are financially destitute and are unable to pay for said representation -- so the State will have to provide them with a dam lawyer. The Department's dam concern that either one or both of the dams failed during a recent rain event, causing flooding, is proof that this is a natural occurrence, which the Department is required to protect. In other words, we should leave the Spring Pond Beavers alone rather than harassing them and calling them dam names.

If you want the stream 'restored' to a dam free-flow condition please contact the beavers -- but if you are going to arrest them, they obviously did not pay any attention to your dam letter, they being unable to read English.

In my humble opinion, the Spring Pond Beavers have a right to build their unauthorized dams as long as the sky is blue, the grass is green and water flows downstream. They have more dam rights than I do to live and enjoy Spring Pond. If the Department of Natural Resources and Environmental Protection lives up to its name, it should protect the natural resources (Beavers) and the environment (Beavers' Dams).

So, as far as the beavers and I are concerned, this dam case can be referred for more elevated enforcement action right now. Why wait until 1/31/2006? The Spring Pond Beavers may be under the dam ice then and there will be no way for you or your dam staff to contact/harass them.

In conclusion, I would like to bring to your attentio n to a real environmental quality, health, problem in the area. It is the bears! Bears are actually defecating in our woods. I definitely believe you should be persecuting the defecating bears and leave the beavers alone. If you are going to investigate the beaver dam, watch your step! The bears are not careful where they dump!

Being unable to comply with your dam request, and being unable to contact you on your dam answering machine, I am sending this response to your dam office.

THANK YOU,
RYAN DEVRIES
& THE DAM BEAVERS

by **kandyman** Sat May 23, 2009 4:22 pm

Another Poor Person Forced Into Using 'Hand-Me-Down' Clothes!
..... You can Tell we are in a Recession !

Put all your Krazy , Funny stuff here ! 851

by **anotheridiot** Sat May 23, 2009 6:52 pm

Jeebus kandy, how hot must the one the dufus is looking at off to the side be. Evil or Very Mad

by **kandyman** Sat May 23, 2009 7:23 pm

justanotheridiot wrote:Jeebus kandy, how hot must the one the dufus is looking at off to the side be.

Amen !

by **kandyman** Sun May 24, 2009 3:09 am

Lizard Birth

If you have raised kids (or been one), and gone through the pet

syndrome, including toilet flush burials for dead goldfish, the story below

will have you laughing out LOUD!

Overview: I had to take my son's lizard to the vet.

Here's what happened:

Just after dinner one night, my son came up to tell me there was

'something wrong' with one of the two lizards he holds prisoner in his room.

'He's just lying there looking sick,' he told me. 'I'm serious,

Dad... Can you help?'

I put my best lizard-healer expression on my face and followed him

into his bedroom. One of the little lizards was indeed lying on his back,

looking stressed. I immediately knew what to do..

'Honey,' I called, 'come look at the lizard!'

'Oh, my gosh!' my wife exclaimed. 'She's having babies.'

'What?' my son demanded. 'But their names are Bert and Ernie , Mom!'

I was equally outraged.

'Hey, how can that be? I thought we said we didn't want them to

reproduce,' I said accusingly to my wife.

'Well, what do you want me to do, post a sign in their cage?' she

inquired (I think she actually said this sarcastically! )

'No, but you were supposed to get two boys!' I reminded her, (in my

most loving, calm, sweet voice, while gritting my teeth).

'Yeah, Bert and Ernie!' my son agreed.

'Well, it's just a little hard to tell on some guys, you know,' she

informed me (again with the sarcasm!).

By now the rest of the family had gathered to see what was going on.

I shrugged, deciding to make the best of it.

'Kids, this is going to be a wondrous experience,' I announced..

'We're about to witness the miracle of birth.'

'Oh, gross!' they shrieked

'Well, isn't THAT just great? What are we going to do with a litter

of tiny little lizard babies?' my wife wanted to know.

We peered at the patient. After much struggling, what looked like a

tiny foot would appear briefly, vanishing a scant second later.

'We don't appear to be making much progress,' I noted..

'It's breech,' my wife whispered, horrified.

'Do something, Dad!' my son urged.

'Okay, okay.' Squeamishly, I reached in and grabbed the foot when it

next appeared, giving it a gentle tug. It disappeared. I tried several more

times with the same results.

'Should I call 911?' my eldest daughter wanted to know.

'Maybe they could talk us through the trauma.' (You see a pattern

here with the females in my house?)

'Let's get Ernie to the vet,' I said grimly.. We drove to the vet

with my son holding the cage in his lap.

'Breathe, Ernie, breathe,' he urged.

'I don't think lizards do Lamaze,' his mother noted to him. (Women

can be so cruel to their own young. I mean what she does to me is one thing,

but this boy is of her womb, for Pete's sake.)

The vet took Ernie back to the examining room and peered at the

little animal through a magnifying glass.

'What do you think, Doc, a C-section?' I suggested scientifically. .

'Oh, very interesting, ' he murmured. 'Mr. and Mrs. Cameron, may I

speak to you privately for a moment?'

I gulped, nodding for my son to step outside.

'Is Ernie going to be okay?' my wife asked.

'Oh, perfectly,' the vet assured us. 'This lizard is not in labor.

In fact, that isn't EVER going to happen. Ernie is a boy. You see, Ernie is

a young male. And occasionally, as they come into maturity, like most male

species, they um . . um . . . masturbate. Just the way he did, lying on his

back..' He blushed, glancing at my wife.

We were silent, absorbing this.

'So, Ernie's just, just . . excited,' my wife offered..

'Exactly,' the vet replied, relieved that we understood.

More silence. Then my vicious, cruel wife started to giggle. And

giggle. And then even laugh loudly.

'What's so funny?' I demanded, knowing, but not believing that the

woman I married would commit the upcoming affront to my flawless manliness.

Tears were now running down her face. 'It's just that . . I'm

picturing you pulling on its . . its. .. . teeny little ..... ' She gasped

for more air to bellow in laughter once more.

'That's enough,' I warned. We thanked the vet and hurriedly bundled

the lizard and our son back into the car.. He was glad everything was going

to be okay.

'I know Ernie's really thankful for what you did, Dad,' he told me.

'Oh, you have NO idea,' my wife agreed, collapsing with laughter.

Two lizards: $140.

One cage: $50.

Trip to the vet: $30.

Memory of your husband pulling on a lizard's winkie:

Priceless!

Moral of the story: Pay attention in biology class. Lizards lay

EGGS!

by **kandyman** Sun May 24, 2009 9:47 am

This is Kool !....

http://www.flixxy.com/cork-wine-bottle-trick.htm

by **kandyman** Sun May 24, 2009 9:49 pm

A man was laying in bed with his new girlfriend.

After having great sex, she spent the next hour just scratching his nuts,

over and over, something she just seemed to love to do.

As he was enjoying it, 30 minutes later he turned and asked her, 'Why do

you love doing that?'

'Because,' she replied, 'I really miss mine.'

Kinda brings a tear to your eye, doesn't it?

by **kandyman** Mon May 25, 2009 5:25 pm

Best PMS Question Ever

Q: How many women with PMS does it take to change a light bulb?

Woman's Answer:
One!
ONLY ONE!!!! And do you know WHY? because no one else in this fuck'n house knows HOW to change a fuck'n light bulb! They don't even know that the fuck'n bulb is BURNED OUT!! They would sit in the dark for THREE fuck'n DAYS before they figured it out.
And, once they figured it out, they wouldn't be able to find the god damned light bulbs despite the fact that they've been in the SAME CABINET for the past 17 YEARS!
But if they did, by some miracle of God, actually find them, 2 DAYS LATER, the fuck'n chair they dragged to stand on to change the STUPID light bulb would
STILL BE IN THE SAME fuck'n SPOT!!!!! AND UNDERNEATH IT WOULD BE THE WRAPPER THE FREAKING LIGHT BULBS CAME IN!!! BECAUSE NO FUCKER EVER PICKS UP OR
CARRIES OUT THE GARBAGE!!!! IT'S A WONDER WE HAVEN'T ALL SUFFOCATED
FROM THE FUCK'N PILES OF GARBAGE THAT
ARE A FOOT DEEP THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE FUCK'N HOUSE!!
IT WOULD TAKE AN ARMY TO CLEAN THIS PLACE!
AND DON'T EVEN GET ME STARTED ON WHO CHANGES
THE FUCK'N TOILET PAPER ROLL !!

I'm sorry.
What was the question?

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

by **kandyman** Tue May 26, 2009 6:08 pm

REDNECK FIRE ALARM !

Put all your Krazy , Funny stuff here ! 921

by **kandyman** Tue May 26, 2009 6:09 pm

by **anotheridiot** Tue May 26, 2009 6:22 pm

Put all your Krazy , Funny stuff here ! 599

I'll raise you one kandy

by **kandyman** Tue May 26, 2009 6:24 pm

lol........................It Looks like she is saying that ! Shocked

by **anotheridiot** Tue May 26, 2009 6:56 pm

kandyman wrote:lol........................It Looks like she is saying that !

Yep!!! thats the one part of the debate she won!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! No contest, although Joe might have a warm one too bounce

by **anotheridiot** Wed May 27, 2009 7:51 am

by **kandyman** Wed May 27, 2009 4:05 pm

This is hilarious - no wonder some people were offended!
This is the message that the Maroochydore High School Queensland , staff voted unanimously to record on their school telephone answering machine.
This is the actual answering machine message for the school.
This came about because they implemented a policy requiring students and parents to be responsible for their children's absences and missing homework.
The school and teachers are being sued by parents who want their children's failing grades changed to passing grades - even though those children were absent 15-30 times during the semester and did not complete enough school work to pass their classes.
The outgoing message:
Hello! You have reached the automated answering service of your school. In order to assist you in connecting to the right staff member, please listen to all the options before making a selection:
To lie about why your child is absent - Press 1
To make excuses for why your child did not do his work - Press 2
To complain about what we do - Press 3
To swear at staff members - Press 4
To ask why you didn't get information that was already enclosed in your newsletter and several flyers mailed to you - Press 5
If you want us to raise your child - Press 6
If you want to reach out and touch, slap or hit someone - Press 7
To request another teacher, for the third time this year - Press 8
To complain about bus transportation - Press 9
To complain about school lunches - Press 0
If you realize this is the real world and your child must be accountable and responsible for his/her own behaviour, class work, homework and that it's not the teachers' fault for your child's lack of effort: Hang up and have a nice day!
If you want this in another language, move to a country that speaks it.

by **kandyman** Sat May 30, 2009 9:19 am

An Amish Pennsylvanian farmer walking through his field notices a man drinking from his pond, with his hand.
The Amish man shouts: "Trinken Sie nicht
das Wasser, die Kuhe und die Schweine haben in ihm geschissen!" (which means: "Don't drink the water. The cows and the pigs have shit in it!)"
The man shouts back: "I am a Muslim. I don't understand, nor do I care to understand your gibberish. Speak English, You Infidel!"
The Amish man shouts back in English:
"Use both hands, you'll get more!"

by **anotheridiot** Sun May 31, 2009 10:20 pm

A man and his wife go to their honeymoon hotel for their 25th anniversary. As the couple reflected on that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asked the husband, "When you first saw my naked body in front of you, what was going through your mind?"

The husband replied, "All I wanted to do was to fuck your brains out, and suck your tits dry."

Then, as the wife undressed, she asked, "What are you thinking now?"

He replied, "It looks as if I did a pretty good job."

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