Put all your Krazy , Funny stuff here !

As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman."

She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?"

A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this!".

This beautiful woman one day walks into a doctors office and the doctor is bowled over by how stunningly awesome she is. All his professionallism goes right out the window...

He tells her to take her pants, she does, and he starts rubbing her thighs.

"Do you know what I am doing?" asks the doctor?

"Yes, checking for abnormalities." she replies.

He tells her to take off her shirt and bra, she takes them off. The doctor begins rubbing her breasts and asks, "Do you know what I am doing now?", she replies, "Yes, checking for cancer."

Finally, he tells her to take off her panties, lays her on the table, gets on top of her and starts having sex with her. He says to her, "Do you know what I am doing now?"

She replies, "Yes, getting herpies - thats why I am here!"

One day an at home wife is alone and the doorbell rings.

She opens it to a guy, "Hi, is Tony home?"

The wife replies, "No, he went to the store, but you can wait here if you want."

So they sit down and after a while of silence the friend says "You know Sara, you have the greatest breasts I have ever seen. I'd give you a hundred buck just to see one."

Sara thinks about it for a second and figures, what the hell - a hundred bucks! She opens her robe and shows one to him for a few seconds. He promptly thanks her and throws a hundred bucks on the table. They sit there a while longer and guy then says "That was so amazing I've got to see both of them. I'll give you another 100 dollars if I could just see the both of them together."

Sara amazed by the offer sits and thinks a bit about it and thinks, heck, why not? So she opens her robe and gives Chris a nice long chance to cop a look.

A while later Tony arrives back home from the store. The wife goes up to him, "You know, your friend Chris came over."

Tony thinks about it for a second and says, "Well did he drop off the 200 bucks he owes me?"

A husband and wife want to take golf lessons from a pro at a local country club. The man and woman meet the pro and head onto the driving range. The man goes up to hit first. He swings and hits the ball 100 yards. The golf pro says not bad. Golfpro: "Now hold the club as firm as you hold your wife's breasts". The man follows instructions and hits the ball 300 yards. The golf pro says "Excellent!" Now the woman takes her turn. Her ball goes 30 yards. Golfpro: "Not bad, try holding the club like you hold your husbands dick." She swings and the ball goes 10 yards. Golfpro: "Not bad, but now try taking the club out of your mouth and hit the ball."

Southern Bar-b-que anyone ?


BBQ RULES
We are about to enter the BBQ season. Therefore it is important to refresh your memory on the etiquette of this sublime outdoor cooking activity . When a man volunteers to do the BBQ the following chain of events are put into motion:


Routine...
(1) The woman buys the food.
(2) The woman makes the salad, prepares the vegetables, and makes dessert.
(3) The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils and sauces, and takes it to the man who is lounging beside the grill - beer in hand.
(4) The woman remains outside the compulsory three meter exclusion zone where the exuberance of testosterone and other manly bonding activities can take place without the interference of the woman.

Here comes the important part:
(5) THE MAN PLACES THE MEAT ON THE GRILL.


More routine...
(6) The woman goes inside to organise the plates and cutlery.
(7) The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is looking great. He thanks her and asks if she will bring another beer while he flips the meat


Important again:
( THE MAN TAKES THE MEAT OFF THE GRILL AND HANDS IT TO THE WOMAN.


More routine...
(9) The woman prepares the plates, salad, bread, utensils, napkins, sauces, and brings them to the table.

(10) After eating, the woman clears the table and does the dishes.


And most important of all:
(11) Everyone PRAISES the MAN and THANKS HIM for his cooking efforts.


(12) The man asks the woman how she enjoyed ' her night off ' and, upon seeing her annoyed reaction, concludes that there's just no pleasing some women

dam it!! i thought a penis could solve any problem.
No 4.9s here.lol

Japanese girl was havin her pussy licked & accidently farted.
She said "Oh~ me so sorry...........
U make front hole so happy, back hole blow you a kiss....

A little boy walks into a whore house with a $100 bill and a dead frog. He goes to the pimp and asks for the ho with the most venerial diseases. The pimp is surprised and asks him why he wants a ho with the most venerial diseases, explaining the dangers and importance of safe sex.

The boy answers, I need to get venerial disease because I go home, I will get a babysitter while my parents go out to eat and I’ll fuck her. When my parents get home, my dad will drive the sitter home and fuck her in the car. When dad gets home, to make sure mom doesnt question anything, my parents will fuck. Tomorrow, after my dad leaves for work, my mom will do the mailman,

AND THATS THE SON OF A Bi-otch WHO RAN OVER MY FROG !!!!!

Sadly I actually know the owner of this car

lol....Good Ones !

Dave was a salesman's delight when it came to any kind of unusual gimmicks. His wife Marsha had long ago given up trying to get him to change.

One day Dave came home with another one of his unusual purchases. It was a robot that was actually a lie detector.

It was about 5:30 that afternoon when Tommy, their 11 year old son, returned home from school.. Tommy was over 2 hours late. "Where have you been? Why are you over 2 hours late getting home?" asked Dave. "Several of us went to the library to work on an extra credit project," said Tommy.

The robot walked around the table and slapped Tommy, knocking him completely out of his chair. "Son," said Dave, "this robot is a lie detector, now tell us where you really were after school." "We went to Bobby's house and watched a movie." said Tommy. "What did you watch?" asked Marsha. "The Ten Commandments." answered Tommy. The robot went around to Tommy and once again slapped him, knocking him off his chair. With his lip quivering, Tommy got up, sat down and said, "I am sorry I lied. We really watched a tape called Sex Queen."

"I am ashamed of you son," said Dave. "When I was your age, I never lied to my parents." The robot walked around to Dave and delivered a whack that nearly knocked him out of his chair. Marsha doubled over in laughter, almost in tears and said, "Boy, did you ever ask for that one! You can't be too mad with Tommy. After all, he is your son!" The robot walked around to Marsha and knocked her out of her chair.

FIVE RULES FOR MEN TO FOLLOW TO A HAPPY LIFE:

1.. It's important to have a woman, who helps at home,
who cooks from time to time, cleans up and has a job.

2. It's important to have a woman, who can make you
laugh.

3. It's important to have a woman, who you can trust
and who doesn't lie to you.

4. It's important to have a woman, who is good in bed
and who likes to be with you.

5. It's very, very important that these four women
do not know each other.

The best way to attract a man is with

Your eyes. That's why it's so important to

Have your eye makeup perfectly applied.

Remember, if it weren't for the excellent

Application of proper eye makeup this young

Lady probably wouldn't get a second look

From most guys . . .SCROLL DOWN

















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The Queen's Chastity Belt!


King Arthur was in Merlin's laboratory where the great wizard was showing him his latest creation. It was a chastity belt, except it had a rather large hole in the most obvious place which made it basically useless.

'This is no good, Merlin!' the King exclaimed, 'Look at
this opening. How is this supposed to protect my lady, the Queen, when I'm on a long quest?'

'Ah, sire, just observe,' said Merlin. He then selected his most worn out wand, one that he was going to discard anyway. He inserted it in the gaping aperture of the chastity belt whereupon a small guillotine blade came down and cut it neatly in two.

'Merlin, you are a genius!' said the grateful monarch. 'Now I can leave, knowing that my Queen is fully protected.'

After putting Guinevere in the device, King Arthur then set out upon a lengthy Quest.

Several years passed until he returned to Camelot.
Immediately he assembled all of his knights in the courtyard and had them drop their trousers for an informal 'short arm' inspection.

Sure enough, each and every one of them was either
amputated or damaged in some way. All of them, except Sir Galahad.

'Sir Galahad,' exclaimed King Arthur. 'You are my one and only true knight! Only you among all the nobles have been true to me. What is it in my power to grant you? Name it and it is yours.'

But, alas, Sir Galahad was speechless.